Anyway. I actually wrote and posted this just around the new year with my usual set of questions, but I felt very unsatisfied by the original so now - nearly a full month into 2019, I'm re-writing my post and doing a new reflection of 2018 with some new questions, some old questions, and hopefully a more in-depth and proper reflection of what 2018 was really like for me.
So, as per the usual - let's get started!
| Games Played (21) |
|---|
| - Pokemon Sun - Sims 3* - Dark Souls II: SoTFS - Portal (Dansg08) [PT] - Shadow of the Colossus (Dansg08) [PT] - Kingdom Hearts 1.5 - Heavy Rain (Dansg08) [PT] - Dark Souls III - Nier Automata - Story of Seasons* - Nioh - Little Big Planet 3 - Pikmin - Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance* - Silent Hill: Shattered Memories (Voidburger) [PT] - Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone PC Vers. (Mugglenet) [PT] - Fire Emblem: Echoes - Bloodborne - Life is Strange - Civilization V* - Super Smash Brothers: Ultimate |
| Shows Watched (21) |
|---|
| - The Good Place S1-3 - Modern Family S9 - Black Mirror S1/2 - 99.9* - 99.9 SII - Brooklyn Nine Nine S1-5 - Emma Approved - Persona 5 - Aggretsuko - Jane the Virgin S1-3E02 - Sense 8 S1E05 - The Bold Type S2 - Otouto no Otto - One Day at a Time S1/2 - Game of Thrones S6/7 - The Office S1-2E06 - Soul Eater E07* - Parks and Recreation S1-7 - Atypical S2 - Ao no Exorcist S1E07* |
| Books Read (17) |
|---|
| - Being Mortal - Trauma and Recovery - Tempests and Slaughter - Motivational Interviewing - The Body Keeps the Score - The Silmarillian* - A Study in Scarlet* - A Sign of the Four* - Anne of Green Gables - Howl's Moving Castle - Castle in the Air - House of Many Ways - It - The Tao of Pooh* - The Handmaid's Tale - The Colour of Magic - The Light Fantastic |
| Movies Watched (59) |
|---|
| -Moonlight - Kingsmen: The Golden Circle - Chicago - Dangal [Hindi] - Black Panther - LoTR Trilogy [extended edition]* - Spiderman: Homecoming - Avengers: Infinity War - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 - Fullmetal Alchemist: Live Action - Shrek* - Shrek 2* - Shrek: The Third - Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping - Oceans 8 - Oceans Eleven* - The Incredibles - The Incredibles 2 - Sister Act* - Sister Act 2 - Coco - Set It Up - Love Simon - Arrival - Annihilation - Toy Story 3* - Flatliners - Mother - Get Out - The Quiet Place - The 8 Year Engagement - I, Tonya - Winchester - The Secret Life of Walter Schmitty - Atomic Blonde - Pitch Perfect 3 - Mamma Mia - To All the Boys I've Loved Before - Ready Player One - Crazy Rich Asians - Meditation Park - Pitch Perfect - Pitch Perfect 2 - A Simple Favor - The Last 5 Years - Into the Woods - Moulin Rouge - The Greatest Showman - Up in the Air - Fantastic Beasts: Crimes of Grindelwald - Rent - Company - Christopher Robin - The Holiday - Princess Switch - Wreck-it-Ralph 2 - Deadpool - Deadpool 2 - Finding Neverland |
[PT] = watched a playthrough
I'd be lying if I said I didn't, but I'd also be lying if I said I did. Overall I think 2018 was a bit of a weird year for me. This is actually the question that made me re-think this entire reflection post and actually prompted me to look for a list of more in-depth questions I could ask myself, because I feel like a lot of great and fun things happened to me throughout the year that was mostly filled with a lot of stress and struggle.
As I said the first time around, I highly doubt I'll ever look back on 2018 fondly, but just enough good things happened in it so that I also won't be looking back on 2018 with misery either. It's a bit of a gray zone in terms of years I think - truly an unremarkable transitional year in every sense and feel. I guess in a way it's the most perfect year to describe what being an adult is really like. It's not great, it's not terrible, but it definitely isn't much fun.
2. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?
At first I put graduating on time, but then I remembered that I actually flew home to visit my family on December 31, and I think that really was the best thing to happen to me this year. Don't get me wrong, I had a lot of really fun moments, but I think with just how my year has been in general... it was honestly nice just being able to fly home and not have to think about anything. Even though the rest of the time at home was spent already in 2019, I don't think I have ever looked more forward to flying home then I did this year.
3. What was the worst thing that happened?
Not getting a counselling job. Following your dreams is hard man. I mean, I didn't think it would be a walk in the park, but it's honestly been really de-moralizing how little success I've had at landing anything. Actually, forget getting hired, I also just flat out can't even find anything and I think that's been one of the most discouraging things. I don't think I'd feel half as bad if there were a ton of jobs and I just wasn't getting hired, because I know there's other chances. But this... this is just, not a lot of jobs, not hearing back, not getting interviews, and just seeing my chances get slimmer and slimmer with every passing day.
4. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?First - getting enough hours to graduated on time. This wasn't even totally in my control, but it was stressful constantly counting hours and getting frustrated when clients cancelled on me or didn't show up. Second - getting a job, read the above.
5. What was an unexpected joy this past year?
I think one of my unexpected joys this year was how much fun I've had spending time with my family? I've always gotten along with my family and spending time with them has always been pretty enjoyable, but this year it felt even more fun than usual? And luckily, I was able to meet up with my family quite a few times throughout the latter half of the year, so that really was nice.
6. What was an unexpected obstacle?
Getting a job. Again, I wasn't naive enough to think I'd land a job instantly, but the unexpected part really comes from how few jobs there actually are and how hard it has been just finding therapist positions? So many people are put on waitlists all the time and yet so few places are hiring therapists. I don't get it. Was I just expected to graduate and start up my own private practice? I mean, that in itself is an unexpected obstacle because I really didn't expect that, and I don't really have the financial means nor the general life experience to even begin thinking about starting my own private business by myself!
7. What would have made your year immensely more satisfying?
Being hired as a therapist somewhere - seriously, even if it was just for a single day I would have been happy with it.
8. What are things you did this year that you'd never done before?
That I've never done? I drank six shots in the span of like.. 2 hours, which is way higher than the 4 drinks I had over the span of like... 5 hours. I visited Iceland, Norway and Boston. I sobbed like a baby at the season finale of a certain TV show *cough*BrooklynNineNine*cough*, which I've really never done before (or never allowed myself to do I should say).
Oh! I went to stay with my friend and her family during Easter holiday, which also fell at the same time as Passover for Jewish folks (her family is both Jewish and Christian) so I got to experience a real Jewish Passover Seder. Tried gifilte fish and matzah. That was an interesting experience.
Those are the significant things that stand out to me for 2018.
9. Did you make any resolutions last year, did you keep them, and what are your new resolutions?
Resolutions from last year:
- Start yoga: I did kind of keep this one. I didn't do yoga regularly, but I was experience some intense shoulder/back/neck stiffness and I realized that if I didn't start stretching/doing yoga, things were going to be bad. I still try to do it intermittently now, but again, I don't do it very regularly.
- Graduate and get a job: Well, I definitely did the first part and I did get a job, but not a sustainable one.
- Get a therapist position: Honestly, if I'm not able to complete this resolution this year I really don't know how I'm going to be feeling, and I mean this in the worst way of I can't imagine how destroyed I'm going to feel.
- Learn Korean: This come and goes every couple of years, but damn it we have phone apps for things like this nowadays. I'm going to do it! (So I tell myself).
- Yoga/exercise: Same as usual - same as last year. I don't need to do it every week, but I really just want to be able to feel fit because more often than not these days I'm really beginning to feel my age. I feel my joints hurting, I get tired more easily, it's honestly really sad and discouraging. I took my young and athletic body for granted way too much.
10. What were the best books you read this year?
I am truly ashamed to say I barely ready any books this year. I think I was so ashamed, that within the past two weeks of 2019, I have already finished two books and am already eager to start on my third. With that being said, I did read a handful of new books, along with a smattering of textbooks and re-reads, and perhaps due to this small selection I am able to quite easily pick out the best book I read without much second thought.
Anne of Green Gables and the Howl's Moving Castle Trilogy by Diana Wynne Jones are the best books I read this year. The first one came as a surprise for me - it's not usually the book I read and not something I thought I would enjoy as much as I did. Just like with the townsfolk and the Cuthberts though, I was immensely charmed by Anne's whimsical innocence and wild imaginations. It really was a great coming of age story. As for the Howl trilogy - it was a fun ride to be with these characters in the world that Jones created. Howl and Sophie's relationship is amusing, and a lot of the magical creatures and human characters that pop up in the later books all have an amazing richness that creates a fun fantastical world. At the heart of it though, I really just appreciated how lighthearted and amusing the books were for the most part despite having a few dark elements to it. I think, despite some plot changes here and there, the Ghibli movie was able to capture the humor and lightness of the novel quite well.
11. What were the best movies/TV shows you watched this year?
I'll do TV shows first since I already made a post waxing on about my love for Brooklyn Nine Nine and that is hands down the best TV show I watched this year. I also want to give a shout out to The Good Place and One Day at a Time, which are also both amazing shows for wildly different reasons. What all of these shows share though is the ability to discuss serious issues with a great sense of humor that never tries to demean or belittle anyone, and great ensemble
As for movies - oh boy, I watched so many movies this year. I think my awards for top movies though would have to go to Dangal and Meditation Park. Dangal is an Indian movie about two girls who become wrestlers in India, and eventual Olympic level athletes. It's just such an encouraging and heartfelt movie. I think even moreso because of where it originates from. Movies about inspiring women are always great, but when it comes from a country where traditionally men play a much more dominant role - to see them create a movie celebrating two girls who break all gender norms to become stars was really satisfying.
Meditation Park was satisfying in much the same way, except the best thing about this movie is that it is a Canadian movie about a Chinese person. And the best thing about the movie is it's not a "Chinese Canadian" movie, where it's about a Chinese person struggling to come to terms with their Western identity - no, it's a beautiful movie about an old Chinese lady who tries to find her own independence within the terms of what she knows within her culture. The basis is that her husband is having an affair and that is the catalyst by which she wants to become "independent" from him - but in her own way. So this doesn't mean a divorce and throwing cutlery at him, but just in her own quiet way she learns to stand up to him - which for a Chinese couple - that can be a huge thing! And it's so lovely to see. Seriously a great movie, and it was filmed mostly in Vancouver's Chinatown so I got the bonus of being able to recognize a lot of places.
Special shout outs go to Coco and Infinity War for just being really great satisfying movies. Movies like Love, Simon and To All the Boys I loved Before for just being really cute high school romances with likable leads and nothing I could really see as being outrageously problematic. And finally - a very special shoutout to Pitch Perfect, which is by no means an amazing movie, but it has, what I believe is one of the funniest movie moments I have ever seen which is the Bechloe shower scene. That seen is comedy gold in my opinion - top #10 movie moments.
12. What were the best games you played this year?
Part of me wants to say Bloodborne because it's an amazing game and I can definitely see why people love it so much - both Souls vets and non-Souls players, but my real answer would actually have to be Civilization V because it was the only game this year that I got SERIOUSLY addicted to. Like, as in an entire weekend would go by and next thing I know it's 5am and I just couldn't stop.
Special shoutout to The Unseen Village in Bloodborne though because everything about that place, including the music, gave me the creeps.
13. Who were your most valuable relationships with?
I've had one friend who I've known since I was 14, we met in Japan - KC. I'd be pretty wrong of me to not mention her considering she's the person I talk to the most in general about anything and everything going on in my life. Also, one of my counselling friends, KT, who is very much in the same boat as me in terms of stressing about work. I think if she wasn't around I'd be feeling even worse about myself, but it's nice to know I'm not alone.
14. What were things you lacked, but eventually got this year?
A master's degree I guess?
15. What were things you wanted, but didn't get?
16. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?
I'm not sure? I feel like I've changed. I know I've changed, but I'm not really sure how, or in what way? But some part of me feels more... mature. Or. I don't know if that's the right word. Like, on one hand I'm constantly anxious and terrified at my job situation, but on the other hand I've never felt more grounded and secure in regards to myself?
And I don't think I've ever had this confidence before. I just feel so... ready? For what, I'm not sure. But yeah. I guess that's the biggest change.
17. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?
I'm definitely a lot more willing to cry these days. Maybe not in front of people, but at least to myself. Not because I'm sad either - I tend to cry more either because I'm frustrated/anxious or because I'm just really touched? And I'm more willing and comfortable leaning in to what I would previously label as "stupid mushy feeling" (yes, how did I ever become a therapist, I know).
18. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?
I've never been a particularly spiritual person, but a part of me has always believed in little things like karma, and the idea of just being lucky. Having luck on your side. I've also always liked the idea of going to temples, like in Japan, where you can just throw money and pray and sort of wish for the best. I don't necessarily believe those things work, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't secretly hope it might have some effect. And this year I've been really leaning in to this mentality. That I just need a bit more luck on my side. That eventually something good will come around to me, as long as I just keep being myself, and being a good person.
19. In what way(s) did you grow physically?
*snorts* I haven't grown physically since I was like... 12. Actually no, my weight did increase, slightly. Although I don't think I've actually gotten particularly fatter. In the future though I would like to bulk up a bit, and build up some more muscle if possible, but I've literally been saying this for years so... maybe one day I'll actually be able to give a proper answer for this question (it's the only reason I'm keeping it around damn it!)
20. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?
I think with some friends I've been more honest, and more willing to open myself up to them. I've definitely been a lot more open with my family I think. Having longer conversations with both my parents. Revealing a bit more of my fears and frustrations to certain friends.
21. What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)?
Knowing that I have a positive effect and am helping people feel better about themselves. It's so rewarding.
22. What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?
Getting enough hours to graduate. Feeling like I'm not making any progress with some of my clients and trying not to drown in that feeling because, in hindsight, they definitely did make progress. Even if I didn't fix all their problems, good things still happened - so just trying to remember that.
23. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?
My multicultural counselling course. Sounds interesting right? It was a terrible class and such a waste of time. Such a let down.
24. What was the best way you used your time this past year?
Indulging in other interests. Playing more games. Watching new shows.
25. What are things you wished you did more of?
Read. I realized when I was listing things I did up there, I couldn't add reading to the list which is such a shame because I love reading. Definitely need to change that this year.
26. What are things you wished you did less of?
Sit around playing minesweeper or solitaire or other brainless games instead of actually doing something important. Pushing off doing chores like groceries or laundry or even eating lunch because of aforementioned behaviour.
27. What kept you sane this year?
Games and various new fandoms (mainly Brooklyn Nine Nine and more recently the Bechloe fandom from Pitch Perfect).
28. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?
That job hunting sucks. That psychotherapists in Ontario really need to have a better system for helping out newly licensed therapists who are just starting their career, because currently there doesn't seem to be one at all? It's ironic, for a profession that's all about helping and supporting people, it sure is terrible at supporting the actual people who are doing said profession.
29. Create a phrase or statement that describes this past year for you.
This past year has felt like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff, waiting to jump off, but I can't because I'm chained to a rock, waiting for someone with a key. And oh how desperately do I want to jump.
30. What are you plans for this upcoming year?
Hopefully? Get a job. Start seeing clients privately. Move to a new place. You know, finally feel like I'm working towards an actual career instead of just floundering around trying to get my handle of post-graduate adult life.
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