Monday 30 September 2013

More random Gin x Ran thougts to get off my chest

So I just started thinking in the shower (because that's where we all do our greatest thinking, don't lie!) and I know how I said in my previous post that in some ways Gin's death brings it's own sense of closure - and it does in the sense that she won't hold on to him because he's given her nothing to hold on to.

On the other hand his death is still super tragic for her and part of me wonders how long it took before someone was able to drag Rangiku away from Gin's body because I feel like she must've sat there for a very, very, very long time... until she had no more tears to cry, until she was exhausted, until Hitsugaya, or Hisagi, or someone had to literally pick her up and drag her screaming and the only way they could shut her up was to pretend to take Gin's body with them... except then they just dump it somewhere because I feel Captain-Commander Yamamoto wouldn't be so forgiving.

The thing is - Hisagi and Komamura get a very finite sense of closure because they realise that Tousen is completely deluded and bad. It's not that he became misguided and could be helped back on to the right path - he chose this path because he honestly thought it was right and although they had to struggle to over come this and accept this reality they could do it in the physical form of killing him. For Rangiku she gets none of this. What she gets is the realisation that one again, Gin has saved her and then the next moment he's dead. She doesn't know the details but the fact that Gin saved her is already enough because it's a redeeming factor. It's a fact that high lights the idea that Gin wasn't "that bad". That despite all this crap he still cared for her and for all you know she has come to the conclusion that it was possible that he died for her. She might not know the reason for how this happened - she might think it's because Aizen realised Gin had not killed her (and that would just be so heartbreaking for her to take) or she might take the easier route and just believe that Ichigo had cut him down and she wouldn't even bother asking for clarification because somewhere deep down she knows that couldn't have happened.

Honestly when I see that scene in anime, or re-read it in the manga (I don't purposely go out of my way to do it but it comes up as .gifs on tumblr often enough - seriously I'm not that masochistic) it breaks my heart to see the tears because he's left her with so many mysteries and for those first couple of days in mourning it must've been so hard on her. So hard for her to realise that Gin had saved her, had probably died for her, that even until the very end - despite what everyone else had thought, including Rangiku herself - Gin had prioritized her life as the most important thing to keep safe. And yes - in some ways this brings her closure because although she understands this, like I said, Gin hasn't actually given her anything concrete to confirm these thoughts so in the end she can just leave them as mysteries as she's always done and that's more helpful to her. Because I think if Rangiku did know everything, did know his motives, she really never would've left his side. She would've stayed by his dead body agonizing over the fact that he really did die for her and that would really just kill her inside. But she doesn't know that for sure and so she can keep going.

....ugh. I need to stop. These two are ruining my life and my ability to study for my mid-terms.

Once again, I'm begging Kubo to just bring Gin back to life for my own sanity.

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