I'm re-sharing my twitter thread here because twitter fucked up my thread, and then I realized, why am I even trying to write long-form thoughts on twitter when this place exists? So, just some random ramblings regarding the 5pecial Trip as well as general thoughts I have about 5nin Sexy Zone.
At first when I only saw the video length for the trip I thought "Only?" Knowing that they went on an overnight trip, I wanted the footage to be at least 2, if not 3 hours long. Especially remembering some of the other trips they've had, and the fact that this one will be their last. After watching it though, I realized we got just enough. There were photos of moments that we clearly weren't privy too (going to an onsen) and it was clear that they spent a lot longer talking and drinking in their room, but I think it's okay that they didn't show those parts. Ultimately this trip was for them, and it's a gift that they allowed us to see some of it. I think they deserve to have some moments that were just for them as well.
Credits to Wada-san for editing this trip so well though! Truly. I can't believe I could laugh so hard at the start and be crying so hard by the end and it all feels natural. I wasn't even really crying because I was sad, but purely because it was genuinely moving to hear their raw and honest thoughts and feelings at the very end. I think even the guys themselves had mentally prepared to wrap up the trip in their typical way, and to be shocked by their staff, it really allowed them to also let their own thoughts out organically. Honestly, the moment at the end felt a bit private, but I'm so grateful that they were willing to show us that.
Of course, I already knew seeing Fuma cry was going to get to me, but it's really Marius' final thoughts that really got to me. Him admitting how hard it was for him, how he was actually trying to pretend everything was okay. As I said in my translation to "Sore de Ii yo" - I think Marius had probably been struggling for a long time, but to hear him say it was... it was touching. It was a true moment of vulnerability that as fans, we are almost never privy to from our idols (and I don't think we should be privy too honestly).
It really is wild to imagine Marius life. To debut at eleven having moved from Germany to Japan. If there's any Johnny's I think I would really want to pick the brains of, it really is the Sexy Zone members, and Marius in particular. They were all so young, and their perspective on being an idol honestly must be quite different from I think even a lot of other Johnny's except maybe the HSJ members.
What I love even more though is how the guys were able to be themselves throughout the rest of the trip. The dynamic of 5nin Sexy Zone really is something special, and I will truly miss this dynamic moving forward. It's like Arashi - they all bring out the best of each other, and they genuinely just seem to enjoy being around each other. I love how they were able to bring back old jokes and them writing "Desaiso" for Marius was such a classic older sibling/younger sibling thing to do, but also felt so right. I don't think writing an actual heartfelt message like "Thank you" or "We love you" would have hit the same as something like that.
I mean, in a lot of ways that message WAS meaningful. It really showed that some things can still stay the same. Sure, Marius can't perform with them, but they can still talk and meet up. Marius will still have them as brothers and he will still be their youngest brother. And we as fans just won't be privy to that relationship anymore.
Marius and Kento used the word 運命 (unmei // destiny) to describe them coming together as Sexy Zone, but as a fan, I feel like Sexy Zone's journey and existence is 奇跡的 (kisekiteki // miraculous). They may have been brought together by fate, but what was created feels like a miracle. I like to think the world is in general, filled with good people. But all of them were truly lucky to be placed in Sexy Zone. All of them are so different, but they're all fundamentally so good, respectful, kind and open-minded. If things had been even slightly different, if they hadn't been so accepting of Marius and if he himself wasn't such a sweet kid, if Fuma or Kento hadn't been as able to shoulder responsibility as they both did, if Shori wasn't so steady, if Sou-chan wasn't by Marius' side, I don't think this group would have made it past the 3/2 split back in 2014/2015. Despite everything, the fact that I think they genuinely felt safe with each other, means a lot. That's honestly rare to find, especially at such a young age, in an environment like that.
I think it's also meaningful that I got into Sexy Zone at this time in my life.
Arashi were great role models as a youth, and I needed them at the age I discovered them. Thirteen, confused, lonely. They made life seem straightforward and made me feel like eventually, everything would work out. I needed that then. I needed a sense that the future was stable. That if you worked hard, you would succeed, and then you would retire. As much as Arashi fans like to talk about how unpopular Arashi was, in a lot of ways their success and their trajectory was actually very linear. They started low, worked hard, and steadily worked their way up and up to become national idols and then they stayed their. But eventually, as I grew up... I think I began to realize that life actually wasn't like that. Eventually I realized I couldn't relate or seek the same guidance in Arashi as I did before. I had grown up - as the Arashi members had, but I didn't need adult mentors now, I needed mentors who were around the same age as me.
Enter Sexy Zone. I realize having a group like Sexy Zone, with all their ups and downs, trials and tribulations, setbacks and persistence - they help me feel better about facing life as it feels like it is to me now - Jeremy Beremy. Messy. Chaotic. For a group like Sexy Zone, I think they also very much started out with straightforward dreams and the idea that if they just worked hard and listened to the adults, everything would work out. But they didn't. Nothing did for them. They got split up, members went on hiatus, constant stops and starts. The conclusion that Sexy Zone came to, which they shared in "Timeless" was the realization that there is actually no right answer. All we can do is continue to face forward, take a step--in whatever direction that may be--support each other and try your best. That might even mean we take steps in different directions, that all our paths actually look completely different and criss-cross and wind in a tangled mess, but still we keep going with the surety that we're all still trying to get to the same place.
It's inspiring for me to know Sexy Zone's journey, the journey of each of the individual members, and to also witness the specific way they have handled this moment. This separation, this change, and yet still present it as not a set back - but yet again, another opportunity. Just a change. Just a member walking down a different path, but still a member.
Watching the 5pecial trip really gave me the closure I needed. I think it truly helped me to accept that while this is an ending, it's also a new beginning, and that's okay. Thank you for giving us this Sexy Zone. Thank you for letting us witness this. Thank you for handling things the way all of you did.
I am truly thankful that I follow idols who have managed to be so respectful, thoughtful, and emotionally understanding. This experience has really solidified the fact that I will probably be a fan of these boys and follow them, just like Arashi, for as long as they will allow me to. ５人いつも応援します！ 愛してる！
